Beautiful Things.
Do you like my story “The Things”?
Do you more than like it? Do you adore it with a burning passion that puts the so-called “fandom” of all those other Things posers to shame?
Do you wanna prove you do, no matter how much it costs?
Then mammal, does Angel Bomb have a deal for you.
Todd Thyberg’s boutique press turns words into works of art. The dude doesn’t settle for reprinting the same old prose in a leather-bound jacket, maybe slapping on an autograph, and calling it a day. This man transmutes fiction into sculpture, into puzzle boxes full of hidden messages. His latest offering, Pathogenesis―which “looks at gun violence in America through the lens of disease”―comes with a 3D printed sculpture of a coronavirus with protein spikes made of actual ammunition. He’s put out a profusely-illustrated edition of J.W. Campbell’s original Who Goes There? complete with maps, notes, and expedition medallion. And his adaptation of my own “The Things” is, well…
I mean, see for yourself.
Hard-cover, cloth-bound, gleaming metallic foil-stamped dust-jacket. Illustrated (by Thyberg himself) up the wazoo. Signed by both of us, and including an interview in which I go into the history and process of the story’s creation. Deluxe enough for a boutique edition even if he’d stopped there. Most would have.
But you might have noticed that small flashlighty thing which ships with this artifact. It’s not just any old flashlight. It shines in UV―because this edition of “The Things” is also printed in ultraviolet ink. You need that light to see the annotations and illustrations hidden on pretty much every page, which add a whole new dimension to the things you can detect (see what I did there?) with your unassisted pathetic little meat sack eyes[1]. Every page is infested with phantom teeth and pseudopods and spiky alien pathogens. If you look closely, you’ll even catch a snippet of the BASIC (it was 1982, after all) that Blair coded into his desktop to simulate global infection rates.
That’s the standard package. If you go for the deluxe edition you also get blue goatskin binding, a foil-stamped slip-case, and―if you really want to go all-out― a hand-painted flashlight in the form of the flying saucer that carried the Thing to our world in the first place.
Neither of these editions is for the weak of heart or the low of bank balance. The standard package will cost you $200 US; the deluxe will set you back $850. Even if you’re up for that kind of price tag, you might want to wait a few weeks until the rest of the world switches to Euros or Yuen, and the US dollar crashes; then you might be able to pick it up for fifty bucks Canadian. But don’t wait too long: the print run for the standard edition is only 200 copies, for the deluxe a mere 50.
I have to admit that when Todd first approached me with his proposal, I was deeply skeptical he could sell any copies at all; this is clearly an item for stalker-level fans only, and my (extremely limited) experience with that demographic had convinced me that a) I have hardly any of those, and b) none of them are rich. But these editions have only just been released and I’ve already received a couple of pretty solid royalty checks, so someone’s buying the damn things.
If you have money to burn, why not join them?
- Also to check for urine and semen stains in your reading area, which should go without saying. ↑
Holy shit, i NEED this.
I am not rich, but eh, my portfolio has not yet crashed. I ve just asked the dude if he ships to Germany. Cannot wait to get my greedy mitts on it.
Also i wanted to add that you wildly, WILDLY underestimate how rabid your fanbase is.
Not rabid. Just undervaccinated.
That’s the easiest sell to make. Thanks for the introduction to Thyberg’s work.
The Delux 2.0 only an additional $1000. Invisible ink drawn directly from the meister’s very own precious bodily fluids. Guaranteed 100% authentic. Fisher Scientific Human Fluid Stain Collection and Identification Kit and gloves included. Stripped hot wire alien test kit extra.
Actually now it’s an additional $1800. Tariffs.
I bought this yesterday morning 5 mins after receiving an email about it, can’t wait for it to arrive.
I couldn’t help but notice—is that the Horse Head nebula at Doofus’s 2 o’clock?
Lagoon Nebula, actually. Here’s a better picture.
For any who might be wondering, that thematically-inconsistent ratty teddy bear up in the corner is “Rebecca Bear”, hand-made by an old woman in Quebec, which The BUG has had since she was eighteen months old. That white patch that looks like an out-stuffing wound is in fact the hospital band The BUG wore when she got old enough to have her eyes replaced with Arasaka implants.
A lot of history in that ratty threadbear thing.
Turns out snuggling a cuddly is beneficial even for grown ups. Reduces anxiety. They have these chubby blob seal plush pillows they sell on Amazon that fit the bill. Especially efficacious while watching the news. Hey speaking of interiors, I remember seeing a vertebrae on your desk at some point. It looked a little too small to be whale. Seal maybe?
I actually do have a minke whale vertebrae. Also a sea lion vertebrae. Both of ’em are in the bedroom these days, though.
Cool. Bones are interesting. The one I saw looked like a Star Wars fighter jet.
I’ve collected skulls, bones, dead insects, feathers, etc, my entire life. I had to rethink my design aesthetic years ago when a guest couldn’t tell the difference between my everyday decor and my Halloween decorations.
Aaaaand that’s enough internet.
Ew being such a snobby kinkshamer. I’d write giving away my vertebrae to people after I kick the bucket into my will if I thought anyone would be interested in shoving them into other people’s orifices. What a heritage to leave.
I am broke but goddamn I am horny for this. If y’all ever do a reprint that’s at a lower price point lemme now. Or I’ll swap for a copy of the 3′ wide edition of Decrypting Rita, full of spot gloss shenanigans.
I so want to buy it, but they only ship within the USA.
You can contact Angelbomb through his contact formula, he promised me to ship to germany at least, so i guess europe is fine? Maybe a last artifact from the states before God-King Trump closes the borders and commences WW3.
Thanks, I just did that and ordered it. As a neutral Swiss, I cannot comment on the imbeciles ruling to your South, but I am getting my dollar-holdings out of there.
Heh, i am german myself. If push comes to shove and Trump goes “nucular”, maybe i can trade my way into one of your swiss bunkers in exchange for this priceless artifact?
And yeah, i have pretty much liquidated all of my portfolio with direct ties to the USA, way too risky.
“And yeah, i have pretty much liquidated all of my portfolio with direct ties to the USA, way too risky.”
Would love to tell you “hang onto it, it’ll come back”.
But two months into Trump’s New Golden Age, my portfolio is going the way of ice in Antarctica, and my once-cozy retirement dream is turning into a nightmare in which I face off against other geriatrics in a Battle Royale over a can of expired dog food, dispensed from an oligarch’s bunker.
I just imagined a slight variation on Bowman’s journey in 2001. He crosses the brightly lit Euclidean floor to the dining table, sits down, takes a sip of wine and proceeds to tuck into a can of dog food.
I sold the very last of it just after the weekend before “Liberation Day” went into full swing.
Invested a lot of it in european defense stocks, so when the screeching orange gibbon kicks off WW3 i can at least feel good about having made the right call, just before we all get incinerated in a nuclear blast i guess.
Even if that doesnt come to pass, i will probably fight for that can of dogfood too with the way things are going. Stocks are not exactly worth much after the collapse of civilization in 30-40 years at most, i guess.
I do maintain a perfectly fine filetting knife, and our neighbours are almost all elderly, so i guess I will just become some deranged cannibal for a while.
I am a Chief Risk Officer of an insurer. Believe me, you can never go very wrong by being pessimistic, in particular when Trump is involved.
Please be my guest, Peter Watts fans are always welcome. I live right at your border at Lake Constance, you can just swim over it. And yes, I have my own private nuclear fallout shelter, stocked with lots of Prosecco.
Huh, i live right in the region of Lake Constance too, so i guess when push comes to shove, i will have to take you up on your offer.
Maybe we can recreate those awesome looking shots of the last helicopter out of Saigon, only with our lovely Lake Constance ferries if and when the orange menace hammers his greasy head on the red button.
I will make sure to bring my entire Wattsian collection to verify my fan credibility!
Yes, let’s watch the world burn and our Zeppelins crash together.
Cheers and greetings from Ermatingen.
Thanks to Trump, I will now also order the Deluxe Edition, the USD has crashed so much.
Congratulations, it’s great that ‘The Things’ is getting this treatment!
And I’m glad to see that Doofus isn’t working too hard.
Nah, he only works hard when we’re trying to sleep.
I just wanted to take a moment to express my deep gratitude and admiration for your work. Your stories have had a profound impact on me, and I am incredibly proud to see that they continue to inspire artists to create beautiful artifacts and unique editions that elevate literature into something more—into an experience, a piece of art.
It fills me with joy to witness how your writing sparks such creativity, leading to stunning projects that go beyond just books. I fully support your work and truly believe that you will gain even greater recognition. More importantly, I believe in the power of your stories to inspire many more creators to bring incredible things into existence.
Thank you for everything you do. Your work is more than just fiction—it’s a force that continues to shape minds and ignite imaginations.
Why, thank you. That’s really nice to hear.
Although “joy” is not a word I’m used to seeing associated with my work…
I do like that story…
This is fukken tempting. Although this feels almost like an investment. You wouldn’t open this thing. It’s really valuable in this whole what they call “mint condition”. And a few years down the line some fat cat would easily give a lot of petroleum and 5.56 rounds for this. Maybe even throw in a couple of slaves if you haggle hard enough. Then again as long as one owns this piece he himself would be a mark.
Imagine a new Mad Max, and the Mcguffin they are all hunting is a sealed and mint condition Premium edition of “The Thing”. A marvelous artifact of the old world, the pinnacle of human archievement before our fall to hubris and madness.
That’s “The Things”. Plural.
Philistine.
Whoops! My bad! As apology i will erect a shrine around my copy of “The Things” once it arrives and start the doomsday cult a bit early.
What is your stand concerning devotional sacrifices?
Don’t waste your time on virgins. Just send money.
Ah, the Megachurch way then!
“Sir, this is a
Wendy’sthe internet.”Seriously, just threatening to send virgins nowadays should ONLY be performed by a highly trained editor in full hazmat, e.g. when an author is late with his Omniscience manuscript.
(Actually carrying it out is still classed as war crime in almost all of the civilized galaxy; y’all can guess the punishment too.)
Regrettably I cannot send money to Peter at this time; however, he is welcome to all the toes I can spare: happy to do my part too!
Hi everyone,
It’s amazing to see such delight for this edition of the story. I’m Todd, the artist and printer of this edition. It’s been fabulous working with Peter and having his trust to create this version of The Things. Thank you for the great blog post, Peter!
If you have any questions about this edition or my process, I’d be happy to answer them. These books are designed and printed in my studio, Angel Bomb, in Minnesota.
I ship worldwide, but Squarespace doesn’t allow an easy way for me to do so. Reach out via my website and send me your address, I can determine shipping costs for you individually.
I hope those of you who bought the book share your experience here and on social media. I’m just a lone dude who loves making books and every little shoutout helps grow my audience a bit.
Hi Peter. I saw you read this story at the Montreal WorldCon. It remains a highlight memory of that event. Also ordered, just waiting to see how extortionate shipping is to Australia…
I trust the next artist book you do will be the Sunflowers cycle, encased in an asteroid, delivered by crashing through the roof.
Best,
Mac
Not the Mac, I’m guessing.
I remember that reading. Scalzi did one in the same session, if I recall correctly (from his “The God Engines”). But you didn’t get “The Things” entire back then; I only had time for a few Reader’s Digest condensed excerpts.
I’m glad it left an impression, though. Back then, I was really worried whether that story even worked. I thought it might be too talky. (I feel a lot better about it now, mind you.)
Well, from my perspective I am THE Mac, can’t say about from yours! We have however exchanged the odd message over the last decade or so and I believe we have a couple of mutual acquaintances. And yes, Scalzi was at the reading as well. I was however too chickenshit or awed to approach you then (or at the Melbourne WorldCon) to tell you how much I enjoy your work. Now, older, wiser, mostly less chickenshit, I would probably knock you over and go through your pockets, and THEN tell you how much I enjoy your work! Anyway, I have ordered The Things even as the Pacific Peso sinks into the depths of the financial ocean. Hopefully it doesn’t get seized on its way out of the US as some sort of seditious material. I look forward to reading it in all its ultraviole(n)t glory.
Someone please hold my credit card before I do something crazy.
I will.
What’s the limit on this thing?
You know what, I’m good.
Looks like I’ve got #167
Speaking of merch: Theseus’s crew body pillows, when?
At first I was like “this anime brain rot is metastasizing” but then I was like “hmm…”
And now I’m like “there’s no one to deal with the publisher, to find a designer to draw them, to find a printing facility, organize the ordering, printing, logistics and distribution, because the doctor is most certainly couldn’t be bothered in every sense of the word”.
I think you might hope for a blessing from the author if you grovel low enough, but I’m certain that if this thing is to exist, it’ll be your effort that brings it about.
Maybe no body pillows per se. I am however pursuing a potential Blindsight tie-in involving Rorschach fleshlights and scrambler vibrators.
“Ten thousand bony protrusions urging a woman to let go…”
Dear Doctor, What’s most disturbing is not that you just said this, but that this would sell.
BRB. Heading to my next “What I’d give to Twelve Monkeys the species” bender RN.
I may have skipped the highbrow jewel of The Beautiful Things, but this consumerist crap of carnal pleasures – I’m in. My wife won’t fucking know what hit her. Because of the saccades.
What’s the projected wholesale price? Asking for a friend.
You seem to have a thing for characters with multiple personalities.
I love what you did with that story. It’s really good. Thanks for writing it.
Just wanted to add that my copy of The Things arrived today from over the pond in germany, not two weeks after ordering!
It really is a piece of art, i can already feel all my cells squirming with hideous, newfound sentience.