The Oatmeal.

“Comparing moms to an octopus would be like pitting an army of savages against one well-oiled gatling gun sitting atop a hill. The mothers would charge the hill, hurling rocks and sticks; they’d roar righteous, compassionate battle cries of warriors who believe they are fighting for the betterment of humanity. They’d truly fight from the heart.

“Meanwhile the gatling gun would rotate in a precise semicircle and mow them down like dogs.”


Why has nobody told me about this until now?  What do I keep you people around for?

This entry was written by Peter Watts , posted on Thursday February 18 2010at 07:02 am , filed under misc . Bookmark the permalink . Post a comment below or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.

16 Responses to “The Oatmeal.”

  1. Peter asked: “Why has nobody told me about (The Oatmeal) until now?”

    Who knew oatmeal could be so dastardly gross fun?

    Peter then questioned: “What do I keep you people around for?

    To cheer you up and put a fire to your backside in keeping up with
    the weird, wonky and wonderful things ya put on yer blog…

    Pickles anyone?

    ‘Cause Cephalopods need love too?

    “At night I could hear the blood in my veins,
    black and whispering as the rain…
    I walked a thousand miles,
    just to slip this skin…”

  2. We live because we stay well away from octopi.

  3. Oh wait, was that one of those liturgical questions?

    Yes, the Oatmeal is cool.

    I also like your townsman Winston Rowntree a lot, although lately it seems that he’s pandering to the crowd that wants feel good stuff instead of plain old weird.

  4. I contribute my favorite song of the month:

  5. I just assumed that all aquatic memery just somehow found its way to your inbox. Shame on me…frickin’ bystander effect.

  6. @Daniel ~ I love those movies! Hans Grueber/Servius Snape was good in the first one…

    Only a singular favorite song of the month? I seem to have favorite multiple ones daily…

    Today, I am checking out these obscure crazy Dutch Dudes:

    “The radio’s playing some forgotten song
    Brenda Lee’s ‘Coming on Strong’
    The road’s got me hypnotized
    And I’m speeding into a new sunrise…”

  7. > Why has nobody told me about this until now? What do I keep you people around for?

    If you’re dissatisfied with our work, feel free to ask for a refund!

  8. Peter asked: “Why has nobody told me about (The Oatmeal) until now?”

    Short answer, I didn’t know about it. But this little gem was just sent to me.

  9. Anony mouse revealed: “….this little gem was just sent to me.”

    “An Antarctic fur seal has been observed trying to have sex with a king penguin.”

    Poor penguin. Leopard Seals and Killer Whales try to eat her and a darn Antartical Fur Seal tries to mate her. What a harsh life over there for the waddly ones.

    (Well, it could be the start of an everlasting love, though…)

    “The South African-based scientists who witnessed the incident say it is the most unusual case of mammal mating behaviour yet known.”

    Ever known?

    I thought human beings were mammals, too…

  10. Mr Watts, I respected you enough to assume you knew about this already!

  11. Woah! I love how your post has sparked a flurry of other suggestions

  12. There is hope. I am so glad that I’ve been singing along to songs since I was a wee one.

    Singing rewires damaged brain

    “This old man I’ve talked about, broke his own heart, poured it in the ground. Big red tree grew up and out, throws up its leaves, spins round and round…” ~ Feed the Tree (Belly/Star)

  13. jwz recently posted this which leads you to oglaf. who is freaken hilarious. I first learned of oglaf because someone posted (sfw, that other is NSFW) to a mailing list I read.

  14. Mr. Watts, seeing as to how you wish to be kept abreast of things, here are the Ten Rules of Writing as laid down by your idol and mentor, ms. Atwood: . (Also, that bloke what took off with your bird is in there.)

  15. Oktapodi Love Story…

    Excitement for Geeks!

  16. I wish you had rss feeds for comments.