Rim Shot.

So I’ve been snowed under lately, head down in a late-breaking gig that I can’t say anything about except to tell you that I can’t say anything about it (and even that might edging up against the confidentiality clause). I did, however, take a few days off to hang with a childhood friend of mine who grew up to be an opera singer with questionable taste in Science jokes. So for want of filler, I thought I’d share the ones I can still remember him rattling off as he, I, and the Mighty BUG stumbled forth from Murphy’s Law last weekend:

Only one of this trinity is to blame; the other two are an author photo. If it helps any, his singing is way better than his stand-up.

Only one of this trinity is to blame; the other two are an author photo.

If it helps any, his singing is way better than his stand-up.

*

“My God, I’ve lost an electron!”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m positive!”

*

A Higgs boson slides into the front pew. The priest asks what it’s doing there.

The boson replies, “You can’t have mass without me.”

*

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer. The second orders one-and-a-half beers. The third orders one-and-three-quarter beers. The fourth orders—

“Okay, enough.” The bartender slams two beers down on the counter. “You guys should know your limits.”

*

Three statisticians go duck hunting. The first one shoots wide to the right; the second shoots wide to the left. The third says, “We got him!”


 

There were others, but I think they were better.

This may be it from me for a while. I’m heading off to Greece in a few days and it’s pure vacation, so unless my Nowa Fantastyka review of Smolin’s “Time Reborn” comes out of exclusivity (or my review of recent findings on Insect Consciousness, whatever comes first),  it’ll probably be a couple of weeks before you hear from me again.

Talk quietly amongst yourselves.

 

This entry was written by Peter Watts , posted on Friday June 24 2016at 09:06 am , filed under misc . Bookmark the permalink . Post a comment below or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.

10 Responses to “Rim Shot.”

  1. I have heard some interesting things about Smolin, I ought to read him.

    I’m quite interested in insect consciousness, it could have some interesting moral implications, given their vast numbers.

  2. Hey, my aunt is going to Greece in the next couple days too! So if you see a crazy woman on the plane… well, actually, chances are she’s just Greek or Macedonian. But there’s an outside chance she’s also my aunt.

    Anyway, have a great time!

    Oh, I should probably include a pro-forma bad science joke…

    To get to the other side.
    Why did the tachyon cross the road?

  3. I must say, the beard suits you. May the vacation be full of enjoyment, leisure and your preferred forms of stimulation.

  4. Them ants that pass the mirror test sure make you think, don’t they

  5. The bartender should have served N+1 beers and told them to split the last one any way they chose.

    2 isn’t even close to what they asked for.

  6. HAHAHa. “Three statisticians go duck hunting ..” Always funny.

    Lest we forget, a bio/math joke:

    Q: “What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain-climber?”
    A: “Trick question – You can’t cross a vector with a scalar!”

  7. I am very glad to hear there will be more work coming!

  8. Here’s some, with answers: http://factinator.com/30-intellectuals-jokes/

  9. Gotta say, that beard looks good on you.

  10. Dorky software bar joke

    -dsr-,

    re tweet
    https://twitter.com/sempf/status/514473420277694465

    QA Engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a sfdeljknesv.

    my reply,

    A QA egineer walks into a bar. orԁèrs å bëer

    errata

    favorite unicode talk

    favorite timezones post, while I’m at it