Toeing Jehovah

Just spent a few minutes talking to a pair of Jehovah’s Witnesses who knocked upon my door.

I really don’t understand these folks’ reputation as The Things That Wouldn’t Leave.  I was perfectly willing to keep discussing their faith with them, but they wanted to depart after only a few minutes.  I’ve encountered Jehovah’s Witnesses before, and their visits have always been quite short.

One time, they even offered me money to let them go.

This entry was written by Peter Watts , posted on Friday February 06 2009at 07:02 am , filed under ass-hamsters . Bookmark the permalink . Post a comment below or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.

10 Responses to “Toeing Jehovah”

  1. One time, they even offered me money to let them go.

    *??*

    And how did they make this surprising offer? “So, uh, yeah, man, we really got some heavy churching to do this afternoon, so, um, here’s a nice ten spot if you unlock that door.”

    I want to get in on this reverse donation plate action myself, if there’s a trick to it. You didn’t pretend you were possessed, did you, because that never worked for me.

  2. Hah! My father tells me of his father talking some friendly evangelicals into admitting that prayer was sinful.

  3. DeathRay used to invite them in to ask who wrote the Bible.

  4. Well yes, if you sit there stroking a long sharp knife, occasionally glancing towards them with a look of longing mixed with anticipation they usually don’t stick around.

  5. Zak:
    My father tells me of his father talking some friendly evangelicals into admitting that prayer was sinful.

    Hee hee hee. It depends maybe on what you pray for.

  6. Hey, maybe you could write a (humorous) short story about it, would love to read that. 😀

  7. Completely off-topic, but I just finished Maelstrom and would now like to read the rest of the trilogy – do you know if Behemoth is going to be rereleased too? I can’t find anything on amazon or the tor website. (I found the online version, but don’t like reading on a screen.) Thanks!
    (And I loved what you did with Lenie in Maelstrom, but missed the underwater darkness and pressure and giant fishes from the first part. Maybe that’ll be back for b-max)

  8. I have a friend who is a former JW (raised one in Alaska) who left the church. One day we were accosted (is that the right word?) by a Jehovah’s Witness and my friend, who grew up with this stuff, spent the entire time critiquing the poor young man’s “sales pitch” and presentation technique until the kid was mentally paralyzed.

    Personally, I do wish more of these groups of people were a little better prepared to go out and spread “the word.” Really, I don’t see how they convince anyone to join up.

  9. Heh, I have a long sordid history of mischief relating to traveling Mormons and JW’s.

    At my old apartment I once invited some guys in to listen to the guitar solo in the Opeth song ‘A Fair Judgment’ and then got into an argument about whether or not root beer is caffeinated. Even though I read them off the ingredient list (these were mormons mind you) and caffeine was not on their they still refused to take a taste. So I kicked them out for being rude and refusing hospitality.

    I gave them the gift of metal and root beer and they scorned it…that’s a hell worthy trespass in my book.

    Then when I moved into my current house I made the mistake of soaking up 20 minutes of time with the local JW’s. I think they designated my house as a benchmark for new recruits because they stop by every month or so and ONLY come to my house then leave.

    I’m not even that great at arguing against them I just ask for scientific stuff in the bible and they get lockjaw. One pair started talking genesis and I asked them why there’s no mention of Uranus, Neptune or the plutoids in the bible.

    Response: Well there’s no way to fit everything in there.
    Riposte: Leviticus 4 (to name but one example) is 35 versus devoted to animal sacrifice. You really think the creator of the universe couldn’t slip in ‘oh yeah, there’s some extra planets out there that you won’t be able to see without telescopes for a long time’

    As soon as I just started saying ‘no thank you’ they left me alone. It’s been 6 months now.

  10. Actually I get the same reaction… I think that the tactically placed upside down crucifix has something to do with it…. They seem to really dislike my theories about sterilizing parasitic members of society…